His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
