Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
