We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
