Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
