there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
