is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
