textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
