Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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