i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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