where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
