yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
