Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
