Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
