i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
