You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
