Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I booty called her while she was in labor.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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