I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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