I am puke
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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