I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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