Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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