You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
