He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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