I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
