So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
