Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
