You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
