Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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