you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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