Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
