She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He kissed a someone with a penis
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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