My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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