Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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