The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
