Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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