I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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