Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
