I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
