On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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