i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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