I don't think brook has ever known best
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
