i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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