Your face is a jimmy john
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
