so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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