I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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