Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize