I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
