when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The feeling are messing with the penis
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
