What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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