Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize