I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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