great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
worst night to have a conscience
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
