He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
