sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
