i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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