The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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