he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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