My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
sarcasm needs its own font
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
PANTIES FOUND
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