Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
