he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize