They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
