Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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