I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
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