so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
