just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
