so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
