wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
