Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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