somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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