Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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