I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
