I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize