I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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