So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
