Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
