"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
