Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
