He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Small penises have feelings too.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
