i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize